A Time for Reflection

Christmas is upon us and another year of celebrations to add on to my years of living and a year closer to getting older, to death.

I dont mean to seem morbid, but I guess its the truth and somehow the truth, its bittersweet moments are those moments of celebration and joy that I come across on my journey called life. I watch my children dance about in delight to the familiar tunes of Christmas, I see my friends getting settled and some are getting married. I look at the flushed and delighted faces of those merry makers and I smile at the delight they take in such events.

These moments I will never have again, where in all my next lives will there ever be such circumstances as these?? It will all depend on the subtleties of karma and it can somehow never have a  repeat button...and here attachment comes to play because I feel sad that I will not meet those I love in my next life and even if I did I would not recognise them as I do now-we would be strangers to each other, or perhaps even worst enemies. And here I stop, for it feels like life is a bit like watching a movie, one is so engrossed with the plot and its characters, we forget that we may just be actors in our own little play, we forget to step back and breathe, to let it all be and abide.

 Spirituality is my usual dose of well needed medication from whatever hurdles come along in life. A good dose usually allows me to learn to let go of fear, anxiety, ignorance, arrogance and even most times anger. It is also times like these where I feel a tremendous sadness of existence in samsara that I turn to my sole refuge-my Dharma teacher.

In remembering late Rinpoche, I remember the utmost peace I felt, this knowing, abiding in that moment in utter peace with a blank mind, not empty but luminious, filled with light from the heart that there are no thoughts left in the mind to think; that stability I felt was the centre of my being and Rinpoche emitted this radiance from every pore of his being that even after 21 years, those feelings come to me as easily as it did when I was 4 or 5 or 7 years of age.

Many people think that I do not remember Rinpoche, I smile and keep silent because it is enough that I know, and that somewhere Rinpoche knows what I remember and how I remember our time together with great reverence and love.

This luminosity clears whatever darkness that looms in my heart, allowing more room for empathy, compassion and love for others.

KC Works

My Rabsel Dawa

I was lost
Wandering this samsaric wilderness
Groping in the blackness of my mind
My Rabsel Dawa, My Brilliant Moon
Perfect in every aspect
The stars adorn your brilliance
like jewels of wisdom
You arose to illuminate the darkness
That enveloped the valleys of my heart
You soothed the tides of inner turmoil
Calming these ocean of thoughts
Gazing at your gentle luminous face
They calmed the passionate fires of ignorance
That burned the forests of my soul
Bathing in your radiance
The cold bitterness of samsara fades
Clearing like the winter skies at dawn
I find comfort in knowing that
The greater the darkness of the night
The brighter you'll shine upon us
That wisdom light of compassion and love.

29/10/09

A lifetime

A thousand experiences could never reveal
the wisdom, her secrets in those innocent smiles
and deep dark eyes.
She searches and finds-my soul.
This tiny and fragile person,
already a woman, a saint, an imp
What peace settles over me
just watching this angelic cherub slumbering
Remembering, savouring,
each different smile,
every kind of frown,
her giggles and peals of rumbling laughter,
her tears
Each moment unto itself
I am blessed every second, every hour and each day,
the experience of life with my daughter

March 7th 2006
You

The green silence of the twilight
the humming of the cicadas
the lazy mists lying upon the mountain peaks
the lightness of the summer rains
the rippling upon the surface of the pond
the lone butterfly fluttering overhead
that single perfect lotus emerging from the muddied waters
the cool healing breeze in the scorching heat
the smile on my children's lips
you are everywhere
ever present
in my mind.

A few of my all time favourite poets & poems

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood
 

Pablo Neruda

If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!   

Rudyard Kipling

     

 

YEEWONG NOVEMBER 2012 ISSUE

Mother and daughter moments

I never thought that my daughter Tashi would be asking me about jokes, here are some of the lines she asked me:
TT: Where does a horse go when they're sick? 
Mom:..ooh oh I got this one..Horsepital

TT: What do ghosts wear in cars?
Mom:...uhhh
TT: Sheetbelts

TT: Why cant you tell a pig a secret?
Mom:???
TT: Because it will squeal on you


lol

Personal Favourites from Rabindranath Tagore

Those who are near me do not know that you are nearer to me than they are

Those who speak to me do not know that my heart is full with your unspoken words

Those who crowd in my path do not know that I am walking alone with you

Those who love me do not know that their love brings you to my heart

 

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times...
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age old pain,
It's ancient tale of being apart or together.
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star, piercing the darkness of time.
You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers,
Shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting,
the distressful tears of farewell,
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you
The love of all man's days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours -
And the songs of every poet past and forever.



Perhaps the crescent moon smiles in doubt
at being told that it is a fragment
awaiting perfection.

Here I Love You by Pablo Neruda

Here I love you.
In the dark pines the wind disentangles itself.
The moon glows like phosphorous on the vagrant waters.
Days, all one kind, go chasing each other.

The snow unfurls in dancing figures.
A silver gull slips down from the west.
Sometimes a sail. High, high stars.
Oh the black cross of a ship.
Alone.


Sometimes I get up early and even my soul is wet.
Far away the sea sounds and resounds.
This is a port.

Here I love you.
Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain.
I love you still among these cold things.
Sometimes my kisses go on those heavy vessels
that cross the sea towards no arrival.
I see myself forgotten like those old anchors.

The piers sadden when the afternoon moors there.
My life grows tired, hungry to no purpose.
I love what I do not have. You are so far.
My loathing wrestles with the slow twilights.
But night comes and starts to sing to me.

The moon turns its clockwork dream.
The biggest stars look at me with your eyes.
And as I love you, the pines in the wind
want to sing your name with their leaves of wire

Acknowledgement extracted from ZP book

First and foremost, my deepest gratitude and love to my beloved mother, without whose unconditional great love, compassion and integrity, I would never have had the capacity, wisdom not the inner strength to have come this far upon my personal and spiritual journey. I cannot ever fathom to repay her kindness for guiding me towards the path Dharma and for allowing me to spend every precious moment of my childhood with our spiritual root Guru, the late Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche. She is one of the reasons why I strive and hope to become a better person and she is the one person without whom I cannot imagine life without.

And to my grandmother, Her Majesty Royal Grandmother, who is the source of our daily inspiration, not only for this book, but in our personal lives. Her magnanimity, love and great kindness for us as a family, have been the beacon of goodness and richness that has gifted us with much bountiful happiness and spiritual fulfillment in this life. I am every deeply grateful for all that she has given, in wisdom, affection, loving kindness and care.

I would not have been able to complete any work, let alone a single sentence without the kind continual help and support of my grandmother, my mother, my extended family, friends and household members(who took many hours of their time to tirelessly look after and entertain my three dear yet active children.)

And of course to my colleagues, without whom this book would never have been complete; their dedication, determination and passion never ceased to inspire and motivate me every single moment during our work towards the completion of all three books.

Last but not the least, no words nor in any life time could I ever imagine to repay the kindness and compassionate love that my spiritual teacher, the late Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, has showered upon myself and my family. Every joy and happiness I share each day, and every hurdle in life I face, he is the sole source from which I draw my courage, my love and devotion; every fibre of my being is etched with the memories of his nobility, his grace and warmth. He is the epitome of an exemplar spiritual teacher, who is in every way truly Guru Rinpoche himself in person.

May this inspirational piece of collective works that auspiciously fell into place, bring joy, progress and benefit to, not only the people and Kingdom of Bhutan, but for all those who seek the spiritual path of wisdom; may the seed of spirituality be planted within our hearts; to grow and ripen into great Bodhisattvas.

Kesang Choden T. Wangchuck

9th Mock Up

I know there's been a long silence on the book that we are working on, well there wasnt much time for writing, other than on the book itself.
Just a short note to say that we are currently on the 9th mock up of the book and Khun Pui is here in Thimphu to work on it.
And a small picture which she took from Tsali Gompa, opposite Changjiji, of a Rakshasa with a skull cap leading the divine horse Balaha waiting to escort Guru Rinpoche to Zangdok Palri.
Cant hardly wait for the book to be out and to get to actually feel it...lol yes I LOVE books rather than a Kindle or IPad.

You

Crowded bustling street,

weaving through, they push

All these emotions,

Jar against my nerves

Yet a face stands out

Alone amidst the ocean

You, it is always you

And yet you remain only an apparition

a creation of my mind

The reality of you

is far from the memories

left behind.

A spiritual teacher

He is the great vessel that carries beings across the ocean of life;
He is the unerring captain who guides them to the land of liberation;
He is the rain that extinguishes the fire of passion.
Like the brilliance of the sun and the moon,
He rips away the darkness of ignorance;
The weight of good and evil at the same time.
Like a father and a mother, he loves all beings with the same love.
A great river of compassion,
A mountain soaring above all earthly concerns,
Unshaken by the winds of emotion,
To make any connection with him,
Whether by seeing him,
Hearing his voice,
Remembering him or being touched by his hand will lead us towards liberation.
To have full confidence in him is the best way to progress towards enlightenment.
The warmth of his wisdom and compassion will melt the ore of our being
And release the gold of Buddha-nature within.

Private Moments

Motherhood and Practicing Buddhism

Forget ever blossoming from the depths of samsaric muddied waters; by Buddhist standards I am neck deep in samsara and sinking fast. Why? Well I am well chained down with many hopes, desires and attachments that run pretty deep-I am a mother of three adorable and sometimes very naughty little munchkins whom I like to call my 3 Musketeers.

Yes I live in the only Vajrayana practicing Kingdom in the Himalayas. Yes I have a spiritual teacher. Yes I have all the perfect conditions to practice Dharma. But I just don’t seem to have the time to practice or meditate or even sit for a few minutes a day. When all my friends who are either single or just starting a (small) family of their own hardly seem to have time, where in the world can I even imagine finding time with THREE?

Frankly my Ngondro(Preliminary Practice) stopped at 30,000ish every time, thrice and so far, my spiritual teacher has been kind enough to tell me that even a minimum of 3 times a day is enough, after all if you add it up to a whole lifetime, I would have completed my set number of Ngondro. He was also kind enough to tell me that it was more important that I was aware of the present moment, each moment, and that I thought, spoke and acted with pure intention daily. That seemed easy enough and I was sighing with great relief that my teacher let me off so easily. So pushing aside that guilt rising in the pits of my stomach, I convinced myself that He was right-I COULD do this, it would be a breeze.

It was anything but!! My eldest 7 year old Musketeer asks me (as I’m negotiating heavy traffic on an early school morning)for the 16^th time, ‘Moooom….who invented wind shield wipers? Why did they invent windshield wipers? Why did they call it that? How come its one wiper in some cars and two in most?’ and it goes on and on and on. Then there’s my 3 year old Megamind(you’ll understand when you see him) Musketeer in the backseat grumbling and whining to the best of HIS ability that he doesn’t want to go to school. All the while I’m trying my hardest NOT to bump or scratch the car in front of me, smiling sweetly as possible at the driver coming at me, hoping he’d let me go first, checking my rearview mirror(being blocked my inquisitive Musketeer)if the rear car’s getting too close for comfort….well you get the idea.

THIS is the very exact moment where I wonder what I am supposed to be visualizing and how that rising feeling of stomach burn(this means my anger’s reaching boiling point)should be controlled. Somehow I manage every morning for the past few years, but what about all those unwanted wrinkles and frown lines added up over the years? I don’t know about you, but haven’t you noticed how real practitioners never seem to age? Apart from enlightenment, I really really want THAT!!

There are many moments where I also wish that there was a manual called Dummy’s Guide for Moms (who wish to rise to the status of Super Moms) Practicing Buddhism, telling you exactly how to handle a 3 year old’s tantrum at a public venue and all those little valuable lessons of making Mommyhood look as easy as eating a plateful of delicious momos.

Honestly though, I don’t know about other parents, but with my 3-they’ve taught me all the lessons in Buddhist practice and spirituality that I need to know and more. By watching them and teaching them, I had many an A HA moment of my own and learnt to practice what I had taught them about dealing with anger, frustration, language(especially refraining from swearing), manners, relationships and the importance of a good heart and honorable character. It is of course a work in progress, both for my children and myself, but it’s an enjoyable journey and rest assured that there is never a dull moment where I am not pulled back into reality by my Inquisitive Musketeer’s witty comments; and Megamind Musketeer’s scathing honesty of why rules apply only to him and not for Mummy or Daddy and of course Happy Musketeer is the master of calm, teaching me a few things about how to manage my life more coolly regardless of external disturbances.

 And the best moments are when I am ready to spit out a tirade of ranting and ravings over a mundane matter; I find one of my intended victims looking back at me very impishly-this suddenly breaks open the narrowness of my mind overwhelmed momentarily by anger, only to find us both laughing very hard at the silliness of it all.

I may not ever find enlightenment in this lifetime, but I think being a mother has planted a few seeds of wisdom, patience and a good dose of sense of humour to face life with a smile on my face and spring in my step for many lifetimes to come.