Is it just me or has anyone ever felt that each day, every moment they were struggling with themselves in thier head?
I recently just watched The King's Speech and greatly empathised with the King who had a stammer and needed speech therapy. I felt for him because thats how I feel every day of every waking moment(and perhaps also when dreaming)...no not stammering literally, but stammering in my head-stammering about decisions, about saying the right words, argueing with myself about the evil thoughts that pop up, trying to keep down the rising anger and impatience and that god damned huge ego of mine!! On the surface Im the Queen of Cool, underneath Im bubbling and frothing like a lil ol volcano about to erupt :)
Now I see what all those Buddhist books are talking about...being aware of our minds is....frankly driving me up the wall. The only thing thats keeping me on the ground is my body; if it were only my mind, a wisp of a thing called a spirit, I believe Id be having a crazy frenzied fit right at this moment.
The only thing that calms me-TOTALLY-is being in complete nature(without a single chattering human soul) and chants...yes you heard right, not rap, not hip hop, not B music, just good ol chanting by monks or sometimes nuns....it stills my heart and my thoughts.
And this trying to keep everyone happy....please let me tell you know, I.S. N.O.T. P.O.S.S.I.B.L.E....I try to remind myself that even the Lord Buddha could not make everyone happy or everyone around him agreeable, therefore someone as mundane and insignificant as myself, should not even attempt such a hurdle.
And worry, another thing I do best at and make worst of...no wonder my hair's falling out in bunches these days!! And let me tell you now, that somehow somewhere I can hear(in my head) that stupid song (on rewind) hey mambo...mambo italiano...hey mambo.......
I believe I am in need of a mental spiritual therapist, like NOW!! haha
Well here's to perfectionism and here's to worrying!! My 2 wonderful companions who never leave my side.
A few quotes that got me:
"You cant start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about whats happening now."
Lauren Bacall
"Perfectionism is slow death."
Anon
I recently just watched The King's Speech and greatly empathised with the King who had a stammer and needed speech therapy. I felt for him because thats how I feel every day of every waking moment(and perhaps also when dreaming)...no not stammering literally, but stammering in my head-stammering about decisions, about saying the right words, argueing with myself about the evil thoughts that pop up, trying to keep down the rising anger and impatience and that god damned huge ego of mine!! On the surface Im the Queen of Cool, underneath Im bubbling and frothing like a lil ol volcano about to erupt :)
Now I see what all those Buddhist books are talking about...being aware of our minds is....frankly driving me up the wall. The only thing thats keeping me on the ground is my body; if it were only my mind, a wisp of a thing called a spirit, I believe Id be having a crazy frenzied fit right at this moment.
The only thing that calms me-TOTALLY-is being in complete nature(without a single chattering human soul) and chants...yes you heard right, not rap, not hip hop, not B music, just good ol chanting by monks or sometimes nuns....it stills my heart and my thoughts.
And this trying to keep everyone happy....please let me tell you know, I.S. N.O.T. P.O.S.S.I.B.L.E....I try to remind myself that even the Lord Buddha could not make everyone happy or everyone around him agreeable, therefore someone as mundane and insignificant as myself, should not even attempt such a hurdle.
And worry, another thing I do best at and make worst of...no wonder my hair's falling out in bunches these days!! And let me tell you now, that somehow somewhere I can hear(in my head) that stupid song (on rewind) hey mambo...mambo italiano...hey mambo.......
I believe I am in need of a mental spiritual therapist, like NOW!! haha
Well here's to perfectionism and here's to worrying!! My 2 wonderful companions who never leave my side.
A few quotes that got me:
"You cant start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about whats happening now."
Lauren Bacall
"Perfectionism is slow death."
Anon
