Christmas is upon us and another year of celebrations to add on to my years of living and a year closer to getting older, to death.
I dont mean to seem morbid, but I guess its the truth and somehow the truth, its bittersweet moments are those moments of celebration and joy that I come across on my journey called life. I watch my children dance about in delight to the familiar tunes of Christmas, I see my friends getting settled and some are getting married. I look at the flushed and delighted faces of those merry makers and I smile at the delight they take in such events.
These moments I will never have again, where in all my next lives will there ever be such circumstances as these?? It will all depend on the subtleties of karma and it can somehow never have a repeat button...and here attachment comes to play because I feel sad that I will not meet those I love in my next life and even if I did I would not recognise them as I do now-we would be strangers to each other, or perhaps even worst enemies. And here I stop, for it feels like life is a bit like watching a movie, one is so engrossed with the plot and its characters, we forget that we may just be actors in our own little play, we forget to step back and breathe, to let it all be and abide.
Spirituality is my usual dose of well needed medication from whatever hurdles come along in life. A good dose usually allows me to learn to let go of fear, anxiety, ignorance, arrogance and even most times anger. It is also times like these where I feel a tremendous sadness of existence in samsara that I turn to my sole refuge-my Dharma teacher.
In remembering late Rinpoche, I remember the utmost peace I felt, this knowing, abiding in that moment in utter peace with a blank mind, not empty but luminious, filled with light from the heart that there are no thoughts left in the mind to think; that stability I felt was the centre of my being and Rinpoche emitted this radiance from every pore of his being that even after 21 years, those feelings come to me as easily as it did when I was 4 or 5 or 7 years of age.
Many people think that I do not remember Rinpoche, I smile and keep silent because it is enough that I know, and that somewhere Rinpoche knows what I remember and how I remember our time together with great reverence and love.
This luminosity clears whatever darkness that looms in my heart, allowing more room for empathy, compassion and love for others.
I dont mean to seem morbid, but I guess its the truth and somehow the truth, its bittersweet moments are those moments of celebration and joy that I come across on my journey called life. I watch my children dance about in delight to the familiar tunes of Christmas, I see my friends getting settled and some are getting married. I look at the flushed and delighted faces of those merry makers and I smile at the delight they take in such events.
These moments I will never have again, where in all my next lives will there ever be such circumstances as these?? It will all depend on the subtleties of karma and it can somehow never have a repeat button...and here attachment comes to play because I feel sad that I will not meet those I love in my next life and even if I did I would not recognise them as I do now-we would be strangers to each other, or perhaps even worst enemies. And here I stop, for it feels like life is a bit like watching a movie, one is so engrossed with the plot and its characters, we forget that we may just be actors in our own little play, we forget to step back and breathe, to let it all be and abide.
Spirituality is my usual dose of well needed medication from whatever hurdles come along in life. A good dose usually allows me to learn to let go of fear, anxiety, ignorance, arrogance and even most times anger. It is also times like these where I feel a tremendous sadness of existence in samsara that I turn to my sole refuge-my Dharma teacher.
In remembering late Rinpoche, I remember the utmost peace I felt, this knowing, abiding in that moment in utter peace with a blank mind, not empty but luminious, filled with light from the heart that there are no thoughts left in the mind to think; that stability I felt was the centre of my being and Rinpoche emitted this radiance from every pore of his being that even after 21 years, those feelings come to me as easily as it did when I was 4 or 5 or 7 years of age.
Many people think that I do not remember Rinpoche, I smile and keep silent because it is enough that I know, and that somewhere Rinpoche knows what I remember and how I remember our time together with great reverence and love.
This luminosity clears whatever darkness that looms in my heart, allowing more room for empathy, compassion and love for others.
