Forget ever blossoming from the depths of samsaric muddied waters; by Buddhist standards I am neck deep in samsara and sinking fast. Why? Well I am well chained down with many hopes, desires and attachments that run pretty deep-I am a mother of three adorable and sometimes very naughty little munchkins whom I like to call my 3 Musketeers.
Yes I live in the only Vajrayana practicing Kingdom in the Himalayas. Yes I have a spiritual teacher. Yes I have all the perfect conditions to practice Dharma. But I just don’t seem to have the time to practice or meditate or even sit for a few minutes a day. When all my friends who are either single or just starting a (small) family of their own hardly seem to have time, where in the world can I even imagine finding time with THREE?
Frankly my Ngondro(Preliminary Practice) stopped at 30,000ish every time, thrice and so far, my spiritual teacher has been kind enough to tell me that even a minimum of 3 times a day is enough, after all if you add it up to a whole lifetime, I would have completed my set number of Ngondro. He was also kind enough to tell me that it was more important that I was aware of the present moment, each moment, and that I thought, spoke and acted with pure intention daily. That seemed easy enough and I was sighing with great relief that my teacher let me off so easily. So pushing aside that guilt rising in the pits of my stomach, I convinced myself that He was right-I COULD do this, it would be a breeze.
It was anything but!! My eldest 7 year old Musketeer asks me (as I’m negotiating heavy traffic on an early school morning)for the 16th time, ‘Moooom….who invented wind shield wipers? Why did they invent windshield wipers? Why did they call it that? How come its one wiper in some cars and two in most?’ and it goes on and on and on. Then there’s my 3 year old Megamind(you’ll understand when you see him) Musketeer in the backseat grumbling and whining to the best of HIS ability that he doesn’t want to go to school. All the while I’m trying my hardest NOT to bump or scratch the car in front of me, smiling sweetly as possible at the driver coming at me, hoping he’d let me go first, checking my rearview mirror(being blocked my inquisitive Musketeer)if the rear car’s getting too close for comfort….well you get the idea.
THIS is the very exact moment where I wonder what I am supposed to be visualizing and how that rising feeling of stomach burn(this means my anger’s reaching boiling point)should be controlled. Somehow I manage every morning for the past few years, but what about all those unwanted wrinkles and frown lines added up over the years? I don’t know about you, but haven’t you noticed how real practitioners never seem to age? Apart from enlightenment, I really really want THAT!!
There are many moments where I also wish that there was a manual called Dummy’s Guide for Moms (who wish to rise to the status of Super Moms) Practicing Buddhism, telling you exactly how to handle a 3 year old’s tantrum at a public venue and all those little valuable lessons of making Mommyhood look as easy as eating a plateful of delicious momos.
Honestly though, I don’t know about other parents, but with my 3-they’ve taught me all the lessons in Buddhist practice and spirituality that I need to know and more. By watching them and teaching them, I had many an A HA moment of my own and learnt to practice what I had taught them about dealing with anger, frustration, language(especially refraining from swearing), manners, relationships and the importance of a good heart and honorable character. It is of course a work in progress, both for my children and myself, but it’s an enjoyable journey and rest assured that there is never a dull moment where I am not pulled back into reality by my Inquisitive Musketeer’s witty comments; and Megamind Musketeer’s scathing honesty of why rules apply only to him and not for Mummy or Daddy and of course Happy Musketeer is the master of calm, teaching me a few things about how to manage my life more coolly regardless of external disturbances.
And the best moments are when I am ready to spit out a tirade of ranting and ravings over a mundane matter; I find one of my intended victims looking back at me very impishly-this suddenly breaks open the narrowness of my mind overwhelmed momentarily by anger, only to find us both laughing very hard at the silliness of it all.
I may not ever find enlightenment in this lifetime, but I think being a mother has planted a few seeds of wisdom, patience and a good dose of sense of humour to face life with a smile on my face and spring in my step for many lifetimes to come.
