Private Moments

Motherhood and Practicing Buddhism

Forget ever blossoming from the depths of samsaric muddied waters; by Buddhist standards I am neck deep in samsara and sinking fast. Why? Well I am well chained down with many hopes, desires and attachments that run pretty deep-I am a mother of three adorable and sometimes very naughty little munchkins whom I like to call my 3 Musketeers.

Yes I live in the only Vajrayana practicing Kingdom in the Himalayas. Yes I have a spiritual teacher. Yes I have all the perfect conditions to practice Dharma. But I just don’t seem to have the time to practice or meditate or even sit for a few minutes a day. When all my friends who are either single or just starting a (small) family of their own hardly seem to have time, where in the world can I even imagine finding time with THREE?

Frankly my Ngondro(Preliminary Practice) stopped at 30,000ish every time, thrice and so far, my spiritual teacher has been kind enough to tell me that even a minimum of 3 times a day is enough, after all if you add it up to a whole lifetime, I would have completed my set number of Ngondro. He was also kind enough to tell me that it was more important that I was aware of the present moment, each moment, and that I thought, spoke and acted with pure intention daily. That seemed easy enough and I was sighing with great relief that my teacher let me off so easily. So pushing aside that guilt rising in the pits of my stomach, I convinced myself that He was right-I COULD do this, it would be a breeze.

It was anything but!! My eldest 7 year old Musketeer asks me (as I’m negotiating heavy traffic on an early school morning)for the 16^th time, ‘Moooom….who invented wind shield wipers? Why did they invent windshield wipers? Why did they call it that? How come its one wiper in some cars and two in most?’ and it goes on and on and on. Then there’s my 3 year old Megamind(you’ll understand when you see him) Musketeer in the backseat grumbling and whining to the best of HIS ability that he doesn’t want to go to school. All the while I’m trying my hardest NOT to bump or scratch the car in front of me, smiling sweetly as possible at the driver coming at me, hoping he’d let me go first, checking my rearview mirror(being blocked my inquisitive Musketeer)if the rear car’s getting too close for comfort….well you get the idea.

THIS is the very exact moment where I wonder what I am supposed to be visualizing and how that rising feeling of stomach burn(this means my anger’s reaching boiling point)should be controlled. Somehow I manage every morning for the past few years, but what about all those unwanted wrinkles and frown lines added up over the years? I don’t know about you, but haven’t you noticed how real practitioners never seem to age? Apart from enlightenment, I really really want THAT!!

There are many moments where I also wish that there was a manual called Dummy’s Guide for Moms (who wish to rise to the status of Super Moms) Practicing Buddhism, telling you exactly how to handle a 3 year old’s tantrum at a public venue and all those little valuable lessons of making Mommyhood look as easy as eating a plateful of delicious momos.

Honestly though, I don’t know about other parents, but with my 3-they’ve taught me all the lessons in Buddhist practice and spirituality that I need to know and more. By watching them and teaching them, I had many an A HA moment of my own and learnt to practice what I had taught them about dealing with anger, frustration, language(especially refraining from swearing), manners, relationships and the importance of a good heart and honorable character. It is of course a work in progress, both for my children and myself, but it’s an enjoyable journey and rest assured that there is never a dull moment where I am not pulled back into reality by my Inquisitive Musketeer’s witty comments; and Megamind Musketeer’s scathing honesty of why rules apply only to him and not for Mummy or Daddy and of course Happy Musketeer is the master of calm, teaching me a few things about how to manage my life more coolly regardless of external disturbances.

 And the best moments are when I am ready to spit out a tirade of ranting and ravings over a mundane matter; I find one of my intended victims looking back at me very impishly-this suddenly breaks open the narrowness of my mind overwhelmed momentarily by anger, only to find us both laughing very hard at the silliness of it all.

I may not ever find enlightenment in this lifetime, but I think being a mother has planted a few seeds of wisdom, patience and a good dose of sense of humour to face life with a smile on my face and spring in my step for many lifetimes to come.

The future is completely open & we are writing it moment to moment

Now that almost half of our 'ZP Gang' are here in Bhutan, we are well under way with the progress of our work on volume 1 of the book, of which the deadline is January 12 at the publishers in Bangkok. Volume 2 will come out a little before May 2012.
Well changes so far are:
Vol 1 will include: Tulku Thondup's description and details of ZP, 15 murals of ZP in Bhutan and Guru Rinpoche's biography of his stay in Bhutan.
Since this book is going to be larger(in many ways), Dzongkha or the Choekyi version will only come out much later and in a different format(as per the guidelines of our two scholars Tengkhey and Sangye Dorji) that will be somewhat of a spiritual guide book and informative guide for those seeking Guru Rinpoche and his Paradise and ofcourse historical information related to Bhutan, Guru Rinpoche and Buddhism. The boys are so excited that a whole SEPARATE version in Dzongkha is coming out, they very nearly fell out of thier chairs yesterday!!
Vol 2 will involve only of the ZP structure in Kurjey built by Her Majesty as it is going to be quite detailed and informative.
Tomorrow Khun Pui and I are on the way to Tshelungney and dayafter to Chimphu!! Extremely excited to be going somewhere and that also to Guru Rinpoche's sacred sites. The boys are off to Taktsang to look at the 2 murals there. P'Pook and co will be joining us this Dec 7th!! We are all having a nice little group photo for the book.
Truely hope its going to be as useful and as wonderful as it looks.

"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations."
Charles R. Swindoll




“The moment one gives close attention to anything, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.”
Henry Miller

Tashi Gomang-All Auspicious Many Doors

Worship and spirituality are an age old tradition and are done in many common places of worship such as a church, a monastery and other ‘houses’ of worship. There are also natural structures or ‘power places’ of worship. These are for mass worship amongst groups of peoples and yet there are also kinds of worship of the individual that may vary from memorabilia items such as lucky charms to amulets. But the most interesting type of individual worship, are the portable shrines or altars, which I think are found all over the world, in all spiritual beliefs. In Bhutan, we have the Tashi Gomang, portable altars in the shapes of miniature stupas and Zangtogpalris. The information needs to be verified, but apparently these Tashi Gomangs are unique to Bhutan as they are an invention or creation of Zhabdrung Ngawang Namgyal, who commissioned a few to be made by a Parop Zow(Carpenter) and then copies were made in most monasteries, to the point of which almost each monastery had one.

http://www.englander-workshops.com/gallery.php?gid=3&eid=2902

They serve a two-fold purpose. The foremost and most important being that they are spiritual reliquaries that are supposed to bless those upon sighting them. They are usually replicas of Guru Rinpoche’s Zangtogpalri, Kuntuzangpo’s Zangtogpalri, Chenrigzee’s Zangtogpalri and so on. They are usually depicted with great details in miniature workmanship and the ways they are opened are also a sight to behold, I daren’t touch it for worry that I might break it. They are also considered beneficial for the one who carries these portable stupas, as the physical struggle and fortitude to carry such a heavy thing around the country and to sing the lyrical spiritual songs accompanying the stupa, is considered a spiritual journey and meritious development for the custodian.

They also, looked in another way; create a kind of revenue for those remote monasteries that send these stupas around the Kingdom. From what I am told, in Zhabdrung’s time, they used to collect in kind (butter, cheese, rice), around 4-5 times a year, which would be sent to the respective custodian monastery.

Around 3^rd King’s time, when barter trade was converted to currency, it was valued at Nu.500. Currently in 2011, most reliquaries collect Nu.2000-3000 per year from ngendhar(donations) and the rest can be kept by the custodian carrying it, for food and other necessities.

Sadly, many of these Tashi Gomas, have been sold at cheap prices to foreigners who are aware of the value of these portable houses of worship, and today, with modernism, roads and rural-urban migration; we only see a few of these custodians, now old men, still struggling to carry these ancient tradition on their backs, while negotiating traffic, rising food prices and general lack of interest shown by the public.

http://www.agefotostock.com/en/Stock-Images/Rights-Managed/V58-707313

I hope, in the future, though it is impossible to hope for their revival, that atleast a book can be published to create awareness, of this one piece of unique heritage that is special to the Kingdom of Bhutan.

UUUUPDAAAATE

Its been awhile since my last update, but please excuse the delay. In Bhutan, the months of September,October are usually filled with tourists, visiting friends and ofcourse this time His Majesty 5th King's wedding...well that's been occupying my time so far and today is the first day that I have some time to type an update.

Zangtogpalri: deadline might be further pushed, think we were being a bit ambitious about Losar 2012 deadline, but let me tell you that the '3 boys' as they are now known(Pema Wangdi, Dungchen Sangay Dorji and Lopen Tengkhey) are going all out and are now on the road, re-checking and verifying information on all the 15 murals that we have so far...I feel very bad to be sitting at home and having the luxury of doing 'nothing much.'
Khun Pui will be joining us soon to work further when the boys get back. Im working on the glossary of Buddhist terms in the book...ehehe its quite a task and Im in awe of Robert Beer who's done this HUGE book on Buddhist symbols...its staggering...hopefully I can get through further than page 3, which is on the 8 auspicious symbols ALONE!! And to top it off, Im not as knowledgeable.

Family: 2 weeks starting today with no trophy husband, who's off with guests on pilgrimage to Tashi Yangtse for Rigsum Gonpo trek, and three kids at home...mmm this is going to be quite...well a handful and needs pre-planning...I even forgot what's it like before I had kids LOL

Self: Nooo no more self analysis...no time!! Need to eat more,nothing fits me, its sad really. Sleep more..if thats possible with baby and his night time romps...he's so excited he's crawling and a bit cranky with his first tooth. And teaching my eldest daughter is fun sometimes and a total nightmare in others...depends on her delicate state of mood...urgh and two weeks to go to her final exams!! At grade 2 I never studied that much..phew the things kids have to do nowadays!! And my poor middle son, who's now 3, is trying his best to get my attention between baby and teaching his Ashim, I feel terribly guilty at times that I cant give him as much time as the other two...for now...once her exams are over, its back to normal.

Other than that, trying my best to find Inner Peace....if you have ever watched Kungfu Panda..you know what I mean when Im alot like Po's master with Po...Lol

Z.P.(Zangtogpelri)

There’s been further progress this week. Met with Dungchen Sangye Dorji, Lopen Tengkhey and Pema Wangdi and they’ve decided to go to Paro for some further research on the historical backgrounds of some of the murals that are there and we will meet again next Wednesday.

I don’t have much to do since my work consists of editing and putting it all together in an orderly smooth flow, so I’ve been at home with my kids most days. Tashi’s got reading week this week, so Im glad that today’s Friday and its finally over and Ive convinced her that she cant watch television during school week but only in the evening, maybe a DVD, if she’s been good and done all her homework, bathed, read her book,etc. Thank god that she’s an obedient girl,otherwise she was viewing tv from the moment she got up, when she got back from school and when she went to bed, and this viewing really affected her-she couldn’t go to sleep at night or go to the bathroom by herself(her active imagination). Its not much I know, but it was important to me that she didn’t turn out like those other couch potatoes I’ve met and seen(trophy husband comes to mind here).

Back to work now, we are looking at extracts to put into the book for specific references. Here are some of the closeups that Khun Pui will be working on. *Please note that they have copyright and cant be used without legal permission*

Sentient being reborn in a lotus at the foot of Zangtogpelri, Tsaluney mural

Guru Rinpoche

Ever Present

Guru Rinpoche has been in my life since, well, since I was born with great karmic fortune in Bhutan. Perhaps maybe even earlier as it also says in my horoscope that I was a man (cant imagine being a man now)with great devotion and faith.

Nonetheless HE has always been there, in the background…well more like the back of my mind, wherever I went and whatever silly act I got myself into, somehow He was ever present, kind and compassionate during my awkward growing years.

And I never really understood fully the magnitude of his presence, not only in Bhutan, but in my heart as well, until this very moment here as I sit and write this-He resides in my heart and in the heart of all beings; yes even in seemingly evil ones, he resides in their hearts too. After all He is ever present to our needs, it is just us who haven’t opened our hearts and minds yet, we are just taking a little detour in samsara at the moment, if that’s what you’d like to call it.

Anyway I brought this up today, because well firstly my blog is getting to be absolutely useless banter of nothing but my superficial reflections and secondly because this is the biggest thing I’ve ever done in my life(apart from my 3 children)that makes me proud and happy to be a part of history.

An Accident

Before I start, let me be honest and say that me being in this project was purely accidental, no not a coincidence, but really  just accidental!! There was no intention whatsoever on my grandmother’s part to put me IN it, apart from making me help make comfortable the people working ON it. You might think otherwise since she is my grandmother, but let me tell you with blunt honesty that anything I do is considered quite mediocre (and believe me angayla’s standards are quite highly set so I would have to agree with her) to the extent that she would refuse(politely of course!!) to eat ANY tiny morsel of my so called cooking or take much interest in much of my work, if volunteering can be called that.

Well getting back to the story, I wasn’t supposed to be on this project at all; I mean we talked about it and I knew what it was all about but there was no ‘Baby Kesang’ after all, we are talking about a baby here. It all started with an article written by Lam Tengkey on Guru Rinpoche’s life/journey in Bhutan, which was in Choekyi and was translated into English. The translation was abrupt and didn’t flow right, as was the Choekyi article owing to Lama’s straight forward nature, and angayla as usual was quite put out that it didn’t come out as beautifully as she imagined and was wondering who she could ask to write it again for her-from scratch!

Well I (being such an egotistical thing) subtly suggested that I rewrite it, to which she just gave me an incredulous look, a faint smile and said nothing. Nonetheless because it was Guru Rinpoche, and the English was bad, my hands were itching to rewrite the whole thing-none of the facts would be changed, just the style and flow. Quietly it took me under a week to complete it and I sent this ‘edited’ version off with my amala, fearing that if I went myself, she would scoff at it(i.e. smile saying, ‘that’s nice’ and put it somewhere to collect dust).

Amala, whom I could never do without in all my lifetimes and who always believed in my, even at my most stupidest moments, came home beaming, saying that Angayla ‘loved’ it and she never knew my English was so good. God I could’ve danced down the streets!!(just so you know I didn’t)

After much grilling the next day, I was somehow unofficially on the project and now have edited, rewrote, verified facts, corroborated with the Choekyi writers, and whatever else for quite a few articles…and yes Im so proud that this room is quite full of my Ego swelling….but most importantly it has brought me even closer to the one spiritual constant in my life-Guru Rinpoche.

The Project

Let me introduce to you the project that Im babbling on about up there.

Project working name: Guru Rinpoche/Zangtogpelri/Bhutan…okay Ill be honest and say that we don’t have a title yet, we are hoping it will  miraculously ‘self-manifest’ in our mundane minds, once the book(s) are complete.

Zangtogpelri in Trongsa Dzong

Project type: Volume 1, Volume 2 and YES Volume 3

Project deadline: Losar 2012(for now)

Project people: Tulku Thondup, Supawan Pui Lamsam, Pook Panyarachun, Acharn Chote, Ms. Chongmas, Lama Tengkhey, Tamzhing Lam, Tharpaling Lam Tashi Gyeltshen, Lopen Nyapchi, Dungchen Sangye Dorji, and meJ (for now)

Progress:  All Im allowed to say is that its coming along nicely and as all things with my grandmother, it somehow all falls into place nicely and coincidently. E.g. we cant find someone to take picture, that person materializes, if we cant find a photo, someone somehow(without knowing we are looking for it) brings it along, etc, etc…..seriously if work were this easy, we’ll have dozens of books along the way!!

I would love to put up pictures but that would be spoiling the surprise and so I leave you all with this piece of information and will update as I can along the way. Once we have something solid, with the stamp of approval, I will soooo put up pictures.

May the seed of spirituality be planted within our hearts; to grow and ripen into great Bodhisattvas.