Preserving Bhutan's Sacred Arts: In the Land of the Free (part 1)

Our journey began at midnight, zooming past a blur of the city lights in Bangkok. After an interesting flight full of Indians working in the States, we finally landed in Seattle.

It looked a lot like Bhutan, however, without the strong hot Himalayan sun beating down from bright blue skies in winter. Seattle was beautiful but its weak winter sun didn't emit much heat, let alone light.

Eddie and his family welcomed us into their home and like in good Filipino fashion, their warmth and kindness overflowed to the point where we were overfed, over pampered and over cared for and felt like we had been part of the family for many years.

We celebrated a traditional American Christmas with a Christmas tree, family dinner with THREE kinds of meat at the table, which even by Bhutanese standards was a lot of meat!! Then my daughter Tashi and I attended our very first and very fascinating Catholic Christmas mass; while New Year's eve was spent at Emily's home, with delicious Italian homemade pasta.

After this kind period of grace to adjust to the American lifestyle and also to get over our jet lag(14 hours worth of time difference!),and  also when my poor brain and body were able to understand some kind of comprehensive education, Eddie imparted his many years of experience with Asian Art Conservation.

Keeping up with Eddie is like trying to keep up with a very high speed race car, I am 30 and he is 30 years older than I am and here I was feeling a little ashamed and embarrassed that a supposedly tough and youthful Bhutanese mountain person couldn't keep up with this 'old man.'

If you ever meet him, don't believe it when he tells you that his eyes cant see as well as they used to and his hands shake, because what I saw during the time I spent with him in his studio, I would say that at times its pretty scary that his eyes are sharper than mine and his hands are so steady that the slightest wobble of mine would garner an "Aiiya!!! What are you doing? That's too much paste!!!"

Us 'young ones' who work with him know that he makes conservation look like Japanese tea drinking, very simple, fluid and easy and yet when you try it, its the most difficult thing because the amount of concentration, self awareness and focus that is needed(a steady hand and firm mind helps) really makes you sweat. And to have Eddie boring holes in the back of your head as you work just makes me break out into an even greater sweat!!

In between the sweating and profuse amounts of concentration (very good practice for my meditation) was also Eddie's typical sense of humor and bright hearty laugh that is signature to his joie de vivre character as well as great his sense of style, making every lesson very memorable. I was worried that I would not be able to remember everything and kept notes the first few days, but after the 3rd day and the past few months, my notebook is sitting in the dark corner of my suitcase as mental notes on conservation techniques are vividly etched into my brain (along with witty and wicked humorous comments from Eddie).

Along with these lessons came travel and people-we drove and flew up and down the West Coast and visited so many museums that by the end of it, my daughter Tashi(who had no interest in art) has now taken up drawing and her face lit up as we saw The Little Fourteen-Year-Old Dancer by Edgar Degas in the Norton Simon Museum in Los Angeles.

We met so many wonderful, highly talented yet humble and kind individuals who loved and cared about the art they cared for as much as I loved my own cultural heritage in Bhutan. And ofcourse I was, to my great delight, able to meet many familiar and old family friends including Terese Bartholomew and her family.

I was also able to meet with another of my grandmother's close friends, His Holiness Dagchen Sakya Rinpoche, his wife Dagmo Kushola and their family at their Sakya Monastery in Seattle. Experiencing one's own spiritual belief in another cultural setting was a novel experience for both my daughter and I as we looked on, very amused and at the same time in great admiration at the sight of westerners performing Buddhist ceremonies using the cymbals, drums and blowing conch shells just as skillfully as the Bhutanese or Tibetan monks.

Here, with the kind initiative of Tulku Yeshay and Heydi and the most heartfelt support of His Holiness's family and the spiritual family of the Sakya Monastery; I was also able to share a little of what we were trying to achieve in conserving back home. I was met with overwhelming warm affection and support as well as many good wishes and prayers from both familiar and new faces.

The transatlantic Skype conservations and emails between ourselves and the young talented and unswerving Tobias Reeuwijk led to a very entertaining time, with many laughs and remarkable moments working on the first cut of a documentary on the Thangka conservation efforts with the Bhutanese monk conservators.

In an unexpected turn of events, I even found out that my great-grandmother had visited a friend in Santa Barbara many many years ago. The Santa Barbara Museum held a collection of Tibetan artworks that were of Billy Vanderhoef and Wilbur Cummings during their travels to Tibet. I saw the collection and looking at their route into Tibet, just passingly mentioning to Susan Tai(the Museum's  curator of Asian Art) and Susan mentioned that someone from there visited him and we left it at that.

Susan(being the wonderful curious person that she is) found a picture of this very 'person' and brought it to me; as soon as I opened the file, there was my great-grandmother's beautiful face looking back at me and behind it was another paper mentioning her name and her 'wonderful and beautiful home' in Kalimpong(India). For a moment I was lost for words-to find my grandmother, my family, had come to the same place as I had so many years ago and here we were finding out about it!

My great-grandmother was the very first Asian woman to travel(alone!!) around the world on Pan Am and this included Santa Barbara to visit Billy!! She took back avocado seeds that Billy told her might grow but would possibly not fruit; those seeds are now filling the whole mountain-side in central Bhutan and is exported to Bangladesh as cash crop. I was totally floored and it amazes me how across the oceans, friendships were found and this small gesture of their friendship grew into creating something that benefitted so many individuals. Santa Barbara avocados growing in the remote Himalayan mountains of Bhutan- friendships do indeed cross oceans, mountains, people and it seems even time itself.

This little personal incident inspired me, and as I write this on my very last day in the States, sitting in Eddie's studio looking out at the last vestiges of colour on the slow moving Buddhist prayer flags against the now dark Seattle woods at twilight; I think that I too have made many memorable friendships that perhaps will last a lifetime and hopefully, out of these friendships, like my great-grandmother before me, come to benefit many people far into the future for many generations. And that one day, like me, one of my great great grandchildren will find a little mark of their family left behind that crossed the ocean and continents, that crossed cultures and people and that crossed time and generations.


 

Songs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCkpzqqog4k 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ie1wU9BLGn8

 

Poetry in Motion

This Storm

Standing in the dark, alone and under the rain, under an umbrella

Watching the storm, listening to the rain drops, the pitter patter

Its never-ending, this down pour we call a shower

Feeling lost, helpless, without reason or any power

Waiting at the crossroads, whichever way should I go?

So much to lose, so much change, where’ll it end or flow?

I am here, yet my mind is swept up by the winds, swirling

Imperfectly perfect, poised, everything is unfurling,

Inner turmoil, battling, picturesque, scenic.

Tired, poisoned, drowning, I’m feeling frantic.

Smile now, I’m breaking, cracking, bleeding through

Laugh now, I’m crying, falling, seeping through

I am strong, I am weak,

I am powerful, I am meek

Love me, leave me, hate me, believe me

Silently I wonder, where do we stand, where are we?

Should I stay or go? Come now before I fall

Into the eye of the storm.

 

Maybe Its Me

Perhaps it’s all in my head

Gas lighting, I flicker, I waive, unsure and unsteady on my feet

Diverting, what I said wasn’t what I meant at all

Like those Christmas lights out the window

And all the beautiful falling snow

Maybe the designs and lines they make, all imaginary

Beautiful faraway, yet up close just a pretty fantasy

Silent treatments, screaming, simmering- the storm rages for days on end

Calm, forced peace, silence, tense-the quiet returns for an uncertainty

My enemy, my friend, my lover, my executioner,

Love me, torture me, hate me, leave me,

Watching my steps, weary of the careful words,

Passive aggressive, walking on egg shells

Guilty, raging, crazy-making, frustrated

Maybe it’s just me; maybe it’s all in my head

 

Falling Apart

My love and the cause of my pain

We hate, we argue and we love- its all in vain.

We stand at opposite sides, polar ends apart

You and I-aren’t we breaking our own hearts?

Maker of our own happiness and suffering

Creating beautiful dreams, Seeing to their destructions in seconds

I am tired and wearied, burdened and torn apart

Battling with my own demons

We make hell look like a playground

A Personal View on Leadership

Four months into working as an art restorer and manager, I have understood many things amongst which human resources and management is one of the most important aspects. The four monks that I work with are wonderful individuals and yet at times they do have clashing personalities which make them at loggerheads most days. From an art restorer’s perspective, this is a good thing, as argument means that they are thinking about the sacred object they are working with, how much to restore, how much not to restore, what needs work, what doesn’t need to be touched in the slightest bit, what method to use that causes the least damage and so on. But being all males, it tends to get heated and also majority being from the valley of Haa(reputed for hot headedness), it tends to get even more heated. So management for constructive criticism and a consensual agreement is needed and also from time to time, a time-out or tea-break is taken so that we can put back things in perspective after cooling down.

Some days my weaknesses are uncomfortably staring me in the face, like today, I can’t help either of the two monks working on in-painting in a Thangka because I don’t know how to paint and would hinder their work rather than help. I am also a bit on the gentle side, and the monks I feel get frustrated that I don’t push things fast enough or hard enough. I try to be cool-headed and meticulous about things as I don’t want to make any mistakes and have the monks pay for it because I went and said or did the wrong thing. Yet it is very hard to work with the Monastic Body as well as the Government, the bureaucracy is unnerving and at times complicated that I wish to understand some of the dynamics before I dive in.

There is so much to do and so little time and no matter how much is done, there is still so much that is not done.

And since I wasn’t here before I don’t know if I make things worse or better or whether it is still the same? The monks tell me that it is more organized and they can restore things more efficiently now, but I still feel that it is only because I am here and when I go for holidays or long breaks, there is going to be the same problems all over again without me. I am hoping to organize their work by assigning them what to do and ofcourse a certain time frame to work in so that when I am back, they will have some work to present me and for me to assess before sending the sacred objects back to their respective monasteries.

 

“Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.” This was the redefined communal definition of leadership in the prestigious Harvard Business School in the US; or so I read in the book called Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, that was given as a gift by a good friend to further inspire my otherwise busy life that had many blessings and an equal amount of shortcomings (all of my own making).

I didn’t intentionally go out there to become a leader or to make a name for myself, every opportunity I stumbled upon in my short 29 years on earth wasn’t intentionally planned to create fame and place myself on a pedestal to be admired. Whatever came my way, I went and did it because I believed in it, the cause I was working for and also more importantly because I had (and still have) a great support system- my ever supportive mother and family, my realist husband, our three children and all those who help me manage my home life so that I have time to go out and do what I love to do. And for those who still don’t believe, I feel extremely uncomfortable in any public situation and this usually manifests as clumsiness at exactly the most momentous moments; my family can very well vouch for my frequent idiocy at public functions.

A good leader doesn’t lead, he or she infact is good at understanding people and assessing situations and deciding the best outcome. In our Kingdom we are fortunate to have many wonderful living examples of great leaders- we have Their Majesties the Fourth and Fifth Kings of Bhutan, we have many members of the Royal Family and also we have many others who lead by example who are ordinary citizens with a passion of their cause.

A leader is not always someone who is in an elevated position in society to make a difference, a leader is someone who believes so passionately about making a difference that they bring together many individuals with a similar interest to create a lasting change or transformation within their communities. A leader is also someone who voices out what others are afraid to say but feel deeply about, a leader is someone who cares to make the change, someone who is willing to stand out and doesn’t mind not ‘fitting-in’ and ‘keeping your head down.’

To me, my mother is a wonderful example of a leader, yes she does not work and chose to stay home to take care of me many years ago and now chooses to help me take care of my children, but to me she is a leader because she is someone who stands by her word, she is loyal and she is forgiving and most of all she is selfless in many ways. My mother taught me the importance of truth, integrity, harmony, ethics, and family and Buddhist values and above all she taught me about doing what you believe in with humility and genuine feeling. She has taught me that no matter what others say or do, at the end of the day you are left with yourself and it is important to do whatever it is that you believe in with passion, with wholeheartedness and with love because it will give you great satisfaction and a sense of peace. She taught me to draw strength from within and to follow your heart and intuition and to always work with a clear head and good heart.

Some days I admit, I am not in the best of moods nor is every day a Sunday, but most days I head out of my bedroom with such intentions and hopefully they last throughout the day. I have long term goals for sure, but they are never set in stone, they are set on paper, to be erased, scratched out and changed or modified depending on the situation and circumstances. I also take it day by day, and as much as the perfectionist in me likes to bring myself down for not having done enough, I still try to give myself a pat on the back for finished ‘to-dos’ while giving myself a bit of ‘constructive criticism’ for not having done others.

Good leaders are great communicators, they are good at understanding people and being understood, a very important factor especially in a small society such as Bhutan. But what makes a truly great leader? It is someone who inspires, who looks beyond everyday and rises above circumstances to create a better future. I can think of many exemplar people in our Kingdom who inspire me, the Late Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, His Majesty the Fourth King, Her Majesty Royal Grandmother Kesang Choeden Wangchuck, Dasho Benji, our wonderful medical staff who work tirelessly around the clock, the art restorer monks I work with, Rajesh the artist, and I could name so much more. Every person I have met and I know, they all inspire me in different ways and it is wonderful to be able to see and understand the beauty of their souls and minds.

An Interview with The Soma Society called Zangdo Palri:Dreams & Visions of Bhutan's Sacred Landscape

A website called The Soma Society, if you want to know a bit more visit their website at: http://thesomasociety.com/about-2/

Cristy asked me some questions on the book we had published called Zangdok Palri The Lotus Light Palace of Guru Rinpoche. *btw for those of you who are wondering what kind of a spaced out answer I gave, please note that I wrote the answers at two in the morning..my best time to work hehe
They are as below:)

1. Zangdo Palri is a book that illustrates the spiritual paradise of Guru Rinpoche, someone who is revered throughout the Himalayan region as a “second Buddha” and who traveled widely throughout Bhutan in the 8th century. Can you please share with us what Guru Rinpoche and his paradise, Zangdo Palri, mean to you? Is it a literal place or more of a metaphor for a way of orienting our lives towards wisdom and compassion?

Guru Rinpoche, in my personal view, was of course this dynamic and magnetic historical and spiritual personality that greatly influenced not only the Kingdom of Bhutan but almost the whole Himalayan region in some form or another. He is a real person who performed what seemed like miraculous feats but are, I think just what our minds and bodies may be capable of doing and yet are ignorant of. To me, Guru Rinpoche is very much a real person, and yet as is true to the essence of Buddhism, he is the embodiment of our own Buddha nature, of our true potential and selves that we seek in all forms of spirituality regardless of what religion one may believe or follow. He is not an all knowing, all seeing great being who is impossible to reach; he symbolizes what we hope to become and perhaps what we already have within us yet do not realize it. Individuals and humanity at large are capable of a greatness that encompasses love, compassion, wisdom and kindness; and for those of us who follow Tibetan Buddhism, I personally believe that Guru Rinpoche symbolizes and embodies this.

As for Zangdok Palri, Guru Rinpoche’s Lotus Light Palace, it may be an actual place. However for me it is a symbolic representation of our physical bodies that are palaces which hold the sacred object of our Buddha natures within. One must understand that everything including our selves, are experienced through the five senses; it is through these experiences that our mind perceives all phenomena, creating labels and views. Therefore Buddhism uses our habitual perceptions to develop and transform our minds through the use of incense, meditation and visualization, chants and prayers, prostration and pilgrimage. Thus by visualizing Guru Rinpoche’s palace and paradise, it helps one to train and transform the mind to understand the true nature of all phenomena, of which I am yet to grasp an inkling of.

 

 

2. In addition to your work as the editor of Her Majesty, Royal Grandmother’s book Zangdok Palri, and a writer and scholar of Buddhism, you are also actively involved with the Drukpa Council in Bhutan which seeks to preserve and promote the spiritual heritage of the Drukpa Kagyu lineage of Vajrayana Buddhism. Could you share some of your own personal thoughts on the ways in which these ancient lineages can benefit younger generations both within and outside of Bhutan?

 

My participation in the Drukpa Council is a very small part and it is because of the kindness of His Holiness XII Gyalwang Drukpa and His Eminence IX Khamtrul Rinpoche Jigme Pema Nyinjadh that I had an opportunity to participate in promoting and preserving the Drukpa Lineage. From my personal view, the times may have changed but people have not, we may have advanced in technology, medicine and many other things but we are still the same as ever inside even after many centuries. We still feel jealousy, anger and hatred, we are still ignorant in many ways. We may be knowledgeable yet we are lacking in wisdom. If we had advanced just as much in our minds as we have externally, I think we would have much less disharmony, less warring and killing, and much less suffering of our own creation.

Therefore Buddhism, in my personal opinion, is a deep psychological analysis, a kind of mental therapy if you will, to address our vices and faults that have gone on since the beginning of mankind. More than any other age, the 21^st Century is more to do with illnesses of the mind; we have depression, stress, and a lot of frustration and expressions of anger. I think Buddhism may be one of the available antidotes to such issues, however the way Buddhism is presented needs to be changed, the essence will remain the same, but I guess it needs to be ‘packaged’ or ‘marketed’ differently to appeal to the younger generation.

I find that many of the younger generation are not enamored by blind faith, rituals and rites that our parents and predecessors might have colluded to. They want to know how, when and most especially why; and also many of them believe in physically helping others, they don’t want to sit and pray, they want to actually help and pray which I think is a great way to help better understand not only the community and its needs but also helps one to understand ourselves better and what we are capable of.

 

 

3. Bhutan has recently adopted a democratic system. What advantages and disadvantages have you personally seen during the transition from monarchy to democracy? Do you think they can be effectively combined? Moreover, how do you feel monarchy can most effectively make a difference in the world in ways that democracy cannot?

 

I am fortunate enough to have been one of the individuals who grew up under a monarchy under the charismatic and most benevolent leadership of His Majesty the Fourth Druk Gyalpo, and as well as to have seen the process of change for the Kingdom of Bhutan into democracy.

Personally, I feel that in Bhutan we are most fortunate to have Kings that we love and who embody wisdom, integrity and compassion and who genuinely love and care for the people and kingdom of Bhutan. This country has come this far, independent and intact because of our kings and their love for us. They have protected, promoted and preserved the Kingdom not for their own glory or power and each king that we have had so far, has had the magnanimity and integrity of what a true leader embodies; and for this we are extremely lucky.

Democracy is a necessity, and I say this with some reluctance, yet it is true in some ways as many young Bhutanese citizens are interested in making changes with their own hands. I think democracy gives them a chance to make a change as well as make their mark in changing people’s lives.

And yes, as much as many would like to believe otherwise, Bhutan is also not untouched by corruption and all the vices that are evident in humanity. There are many individuals who play well and yet may not have the people or the kingdom’s best interest at heart. However our country is still new to democracy and I believe with time, the people will come to understand who will serve their best interests.

Can monarchy and democracy be effectively combined? There are some examples I have seen where His Majesty at times met the needs of the people and country where the Government could not. I really think it’s a cooperative understanding and balance that is needed to achieve effectiveness and it most definitely can work.

Monarchy is really about the individual and how he or she not only leads the people, but relates to them. In Bhutan, it is also about the spiritual connection to the Kingdom that our monarchs have and this is evident, even to many foreigners who have briefly met Their Majesties; such personalities seem to radiate an aura of their own. What makes a leader great is not of his power, his fame or his wealth; what makes a leader great is his ability to have so much love, compassion and kindness for the whole country and yet be able to remember even the most minute detail of a humble individual that he may have met once ever so briefly. This is what great monarchs have that ordinary leaders do not.

I think His Majesty the Fifth Druk Gyalpo’s Coronation speech speaks far more than any words I could express as to why monarchy could make a difference in the world compared to democracy.

 

“Throughout my reign I will never rule you as a King. I will protect you as a parent, care for you as a brother and serve you as a son. I shall give you everything and keep nothing; I shall live such a life as a good human being that you may find it worthy to serve as an example for your children; I have no personal goals other than to fulfill your hopes and aspirations. I shall always serve you, day and night, in the spirit of kindness, justice and equality. As the king of a Buddhist nation, my duty is not only to ensure your happiness today but to create the fertile ground from which you may gain the fruits of spiritual pursuit and attain good Karma.”

A letter to twenty years from now

Dear Me,
                   Twenty years from now you'll be having a different set of worries from now. Some already imagined and some impossible even in your dreams.
                    You may have grown older but who can say if you've grown any wiser? For we learn each day and every moment. We change, that is the only assurity that I can give. How will you face age? You hope with grace and elegance because its a downhill battle from here on.
                     Your children? Don't even want to think about it but Im sure you hope that with enough love, care, kisses and cuddles, they'll grow up right if you're any proof that a mother's love works.
                      Your main worry I guess is finances and how you are to finance the schooling as you calculate the daily rising prices versus your income. You worry about caring for your mother and her health and whether you will be a good daughter to her and reflect as you look on at other daughters and their mothers.
                      You hope, as every parent does, that your child will turn out to become brilliant valued individuals in society yet who can say whether they will turn out as you wish. You have kept plan B, C and D reserved in case they don't turn out social butterflies and outstanding citizens. And if the boys have a string of one night stands and many illegitimate children, you hope that they take with dignity the answer you already have ready for them, "go out there, work and pay the alimony yourself, they aren't my kids!"
                       You also very much hope that your daughter will have a husband who will carry her handbag when necessary, cook her dinner and breakfast in bed, hug her and sooth her when she is in need of care and calm her when her temper flares.
                        I know you have BIG dreams for yourself that you don't like to share with anyone and this is one reason why you work so hard or maybe you just like being a workaholic...nonetheless I know your little secret of dreams of grandeur and great schemes. This is also one reason why you strive and hope to become better than the tiny person that you are now. I know you think there are big shoes to fill from the family and spiritual legacy left behind and you will struggle and climb till your last breath to ensure that you live it to the full.
                        You may worry about your country and its situation and choose now not to vote just yet, but you will be voting every time from 2018 onwards, but I hope that your judgement will be as sound if not better as you age and vote for wise and steady leaders that will not sell our country to our neighbours for lining their pockets and you hope there are people out there who have a drop of wisdom, care and integrity of our Kings. You hope to even see a female Prime Minister as you secretly know Bhutanese women are tough and may make better leaders than the men right now.
                         As you turn the big 50 in twenty years, you hope that you can look back and know that though you may not become Prime Minister or an actress or singer, that you've made your own unique mark, that you've contributed towards the greater good and touched atleast a few people's hearts enough to make them change for the better. You hope to look back and smile at the life you had and a few tears in your eyes for those who've left before you.
                        Oh and I also know that you plan to dye your hair a shocking pink once it goes grey all over...good for you, go define a new weird kooky cool!!!;p

My 1st Week at the Thangka Conservation Centre

'Welcome to Bhutan. This is the Thangka Conservation and Restoration Centre...'
Our boss Eddie-Ephraim Jose introduces us and shows the tourists around. It is not a tourist destination as yet but word still gets around for those who are interested in art, most especially in Buddhist art. So far we have had most visits from people who live in Hong Kong, China and Singapore.

I work with 4 monks, though there were more...most of them left because they got married, were not well enough to continue working those long hours at the Centre or were sent elsewhere by the Dratsang(monk body).

These four are Lopen Tashi(the oldest and most mature one from our group), Lopen Tenzin(who's slightly deaf but is the most talkative one), Lopen Sonam(who smiles at everything) and Lopen Dawa(who's quite thoughtful and sensitive).
And there's me, the only female working member of the group, supposedly to manage the monks and also learn on the job.

This is my 2nd week here at the Centre and so far I've learnt how to roll thangkas, how to document them via photographs, listing and how to handle them as we move them around. I've learnt how to clean the dirt off the thangka and to 'consolidate' it, which means we have to put this wax-like substance made from fish flakes which look like yellow gelatin and can only be obtained from Japan.

Its long hours, its a lot of fun but also demands much patience and thought and care. It is very good for my Buddhist practice of the being aware of the present and of discipline.

I understand now why Eddie chose monks-this job is something where people involved in it are thoughtful, graceful, meticulous, careful, caring, passionate, patient and have rather a fair degree of self-discipline. All of which traits the monks have and which a lay person might have difficulty with.

Its tough at times but thoroughly enjoying this work!!




 

Udumbara Magazine, May 2013:Guest Editor Message

Dear Readers,
                        as Guest-Editor, I would like to welcome readers to read the Udumbara spring edition for 2013. There are many teachings to be found from eminent masters of our times and also meaningful contributions from our spiritual peers who inspire us daily.
                       These masters and spiritual friends are our glimpse into what inner happiness truely is. It is not to be sought externally nor to be found as one finds things that are bought or gifted; it is something that we carry within us, it is something that is to be discovered...in our own time, through our own experiences and felt with our own hearts.
                       I cannot tell you where or how to discover inner happiness, but I can tell you that I have met many who live it daily, who live it every moment; and these are sometimes Rinpoches or Trulkus but most times they are the people who touch our lives, the ones who inspire us to live a greater and more meaningful life, these are the people who have compassion, love, laughter, kindness, wisdom and wit.
                       We hope that Udumbara serves as a reminder to readers that your life is your message to the world; make sure it's inspiring!!
                       Many a grateful thanks to all our kind contributors and also a special thank you to Rinchen Namgyal, whose inspired wanderings make every edition of Udumbara possible.

                         prayers and best wishes,
                         Kesang Choden

A Time for Reflection

Christmas is upon us and another year of celebrations to add on to my years of living and a year closer to getting older, to death.

I dont mean to seem morbid, but I guess its the truth and somehow the truth, its bittersweet moments are those moments of celebration and joy that I come across on my journey called life. I watch my children dance about in delight to the familiar tunes of Christmas, I see my friends getting settled and some are getting married. I look at the flushed and delighted faces of those merry makers and I smile at the delight they take in such events.

These moments I will never have again, where in all my next lives will there ever be such circumstances as these?? It will all depend on the subtleties of karma and it can somehow never have a  repeat button...and here attachment comes to play because I feel sad that I will not meet those I love in my next life and even if I did I would not recognise them as I do now-we would be strangers to each other, or perhaps even worst enemies. And here I stop, for it feels like life is a bit like watching a movie, one is so engrossed with the plot and its characters, we forget that we may just be actors in our own little play, we forget to step back and breathe, to let it all be and abide.

 Spirituality is my usual dose of well needed medication from whatever hurdles come along in life. A good dose usually allows me to learn to let go of fear, anxiety, ignorance, arrogance and even most times anger. It is also times like these where I feel a tremendous sadness of existence in samsara that I turn to my sole refuge-my Dharma teacher.

In remembering late Rinpoche, I remember the utmost peace I felt, this knowing, abiding in that moment in utter peace with a blank mind, not empty but luminious, filled with light from the heart that there are no thoughts left in the mind to think; that stability I felt was the centre of my being and Rinpoche emitted this radiance from every pore of his being that even after 21 years, those feelings come to me as easily as it did when I was 4 or 5 or 7 years of age.

Many people think that I do not remember Rinpoche, I smile and keep silent because it is enough that I know, and that somewhere Rinpoche knows what I remember and how I remember our time together with great reverence and love.

This luminosity clears whatever darkness that looms in my heart, allowing more room for empathy, compassion and love for others.

KC Works

My Rabsel Dawa

I was lost
Wandering this samsaric wilderness
Groping in the blackness of my mind
My Rabsel Dawa, My Brilliant Moon
Perfect in every aspect
The stars adorn your brilliance
like jewels of wisdom
You arose to illuminate the darkness
That enveloped the valleys of my heart
You soothed the tides of inner turmoil
Calming these ocean of thoughts
Gazing at your gentle luminous face
They calmed the passionate fires of ignorance
That burned the forests of my soul
Bathing in your radiance
The cold bitterness of samsara fades
Clearing like the winter skies at dawn
I find comfort in knowing that
The greater the darkness of the night
The brighter you'll shine upon us
That wisdom light of compassion and love.

29/10/09

A lifetime

A thousand experiences could never reveal
the wisdom, her secrets in those innocent smiles
and deep dark eyes.
She searches and finds-my soul.
This tiny and fragile person,
already a woman, a saint, an imp
What peace settles over me
just watching this angelic cherub slumbering
Remembering, savouring,
each different smile,
every kind of frown,
her giggles and peals of rumbling laughter,
her tears
Each moment unto itself
I am blessed every second, every hour and each day,
the experience of life with my daughter

March 7th 2006
You

The green silence of the twilight
the humming of the cicadas
the lazy mists lying upon the mountain peaks
the lightness of the summer rains
the rippling upon the surface of the pond
the lone butterfly fluttering overhead
that single perfect lotus emerging from the muddied waters
the cool healing breeze in the scorching heat
the smile on my children's lips
you are everywhere
ever present
in my mind.

A few of my all time favourite poets & poems

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood
 

Pablo Neruda

If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!   

Rudyard Kipling

     

 

YEEWONG NOVEMBER 2012 ISSUE

Mother and daughter moments

I never thought that my daughter Tashi would be asking me about jokes, here are some of the lines she asked me:
TT: Where does a horse go when they're sick? 
Mom:..ooh oh I got this one..Horsepital

TT: What do ghosts wear in cars?
Mom:...uhhh
TT: Sheetbelts

TT: Why cant you tell a pig a secret?
Mom:???
TT: Because it will squeal on you


lol

Personal Favourites from Rabindranath Tagore

Those who are near me do not know that you are nearer to me than they are

Those who speak to me do not know that my heart is full with your unspoken words

Those who crowd in my path do not know that I am walking alone with you

Those who love me do not know that their love brings you to my heart

 

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times...
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age old pain,
It's ancient tale of being apart or together.
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star, piercing the darkness of time.
You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers,
Shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting,
the distressful tears of farewell,
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you
The love of all man's days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours -
And the songs of every poet past and forever.



Perhaps the crescent moon smiles in doubt
at being told that it is a fragment
awaiting perfection.

Here I Love You by Pablo Neruda

Here I love you.
In the dark pines the wind disentangles itself.
The moon glows like phosphorous on the vagrant waters.
Days, all one kind, go chasing each other.

The snow unfurls in dancing figures.
A silver gull slips down from the west.
Sometimes a sail. High, high stars.
Oh the black cross of a ship.
Alone.


Sometimes I get up early and even my soul is wet.
Far away the sea sounds and resounds.
This is a port.

Here I love you.
Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain.
I love you still among these cold things.
Sometimes my kisses go on those heavy vessels
that cross the sea towards no arrival.
I see myself forgotten like those old anchors.

The piers sadden when the afternoon moors there.
My life grows tired, hungry to no purpose.
I love what I do not have. You are so far.
My loathing wrestles with the slow twilights.
But night comes and starts to sing to me.

The moon turns its clockwork dream.
The biggest stars look at me with your eyes.
And as I love you, the pines in the wind
want to sing your name with their leaves of wire

Acknowledgement extracted from ZP book

First and foremost, my deepest gratitude and love to my beloved mother, without whose unconditional great love, compassion and integrity, I would never have had the capacity, wisdom not the inner strength to have come this far upon my personal and spiritual journey. I cannot ever fathom to repay her kindness for guiding me towards the path Dharma and for allowing me to spend every precious moment of my childhood with our spiritual root Guru, the late Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche. She is one of the reasons why I strive and hope to become a better person and she is the one person without whom I cannot imagine life without.

And to my grandmother, Her Majesty Royal Grandmother, who is the source of our daily inspiration, not only for this book, but in our personal lives. Her magnanimity, love and great kindness for us as a family, have been the beacon of goodness and richness that has gifted us with much bountiful happiness and spiritual fulfillment in this life. I am every deeply grateful for all that she has given, in wisdom, affection, loving kindness and care.

I would not have been able to complete any work, let alone a single sentence without the kind continual help and support of my grandmother, my mother, my extended family, friends and household members(who took many hours of their time to tirelessly look after and entertain my three dear yet active children.)

And of course to my colleagues, without whom this book would never have been complete; their dedication, determination and passion never ceased to inspire and motivate me every single moment during our work towards the completion of all three books.

Last but not the least, no words nor in any life time could I ever imagine to repay the kindness and compassionate love that my spiritual teacher, the late Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, has showered upon myself and my family. Every joy and happiness I share each day, and every hurdle in life I face, he is the sole source from which I draw my courage, my love and devotion; every fibre of my being is etched with the memories of his nobility, his grace and warmth. He is the epitome of an exemplar spiritual teacher, who is in every way truly Guru Rinpoche himself in person.

May this inspirational piece of collective works that auspiciously fell into place, bring joy, progress and benefit to, not only the people and Kingdom of Bhutan, but for all those who seek the spiritual path of wisdom; may the seed of spirituality be planted within our hearts; to grow and ripen into great Bodhisattvas.

Kesang Choden T. Wangchuck

9th Mock Up

I know there's been a long silence on the book that we are working on, well there wasnt much time for writing, other than on the book itself.
Just a short note to say that we are currently on the 9th mock up of the book and Khun Pui is here in Thimphu to work on it.
And a small picture which she took from Tsali Gompa, opposite Changjiji, of a Rakshasa with a skull cap leading the divine horse Balaha waiting to escort Guru Rinpoche to Zangdok Palri.
Cant hardly wait for the book to be out and to get to actually feel it...lol yes I LOVE books rather than a Kindle or IPad.

You

Crowded bustling street,

weaving through, they push

All these emotions,

Jar against my nerves

Yet a face stands out

Alone amidst the ocean

You, it is always you

And yet you remain only an apparition

a creation of my mind

The reality of you

is far from the memories

left behind.

A spiritual teacher

He is the great vessel that carries beings across the ocean of life;
He is the unerring captain who guides them to the land of liberation;
He is the rain that extinguishes the fire of passion.
Like the brilliance of the sun and the moon,
He rips away the darkness of ignorance;
The weight of good and evil at the same time.
Like a father and a mother, he loves all beings with the same love.
A great river of compassion,
A mountain soaring above all earthly concerns,
Unshaken by the winds of emotion,
To make any connection with him,
Whether by seeing him,
Hearing his voice,
Remembering him or being touched by his hand will lead us towards liberation.
To have full confidence in him is the best way to progress towards enlightenment.
The warmth of his wisdom and compassion will melt the ore of our being
And release the gold of Buddha-nature within.

Private Moments